You know how they say "women are from Venus, men are from Mars"? I tried to call it quits once and it was a failure because no matter what I said, I felt bad and he made me feel as though he needed me -- what was I supposed to do? Being given a name-sign from a deaf person is rewarding and earned, something that takes a long time to get if you're a hearing person wanting to delve into the deaf community. They really are normal people with normal feelings, thoughts, emotions and smiles. It's like that with Deaf people. When I first met my wife, she was a relatively new signer, and her signing was not fully fluent. It felt so good to not only help someone, but use something that I spent a lot of time and effort learning for a good two years of my young adult life. What a guilt trip. While a Hearing person can hear their Hearing partner answer a phone and figure out who it is and what the conversation was about from their partner's responses, a Deaf person has no possibility of knowing anything about incoming or outgoing calls -- for all we know, our partner could be arranging a tryst with their lover right in front of us! Hearing people communicate through the auditory modality, while Deaf people communicate in the visual modality.
I wanted to see if I still remembered ASL nearly a year after being completely out of the deaf community. He was funny and a total beef head, from what I saw on his profile at 21 years old, that was attractive. I looked to my left and there was a deaf family trying to order. In my Hearing family, my wife has total access to everything everyone says which she claims is also a negative at times, especially with certain family members , while I am dependent only on what she or others are willing to take the time to share with me. I'm not saying that Deaf-Deaf relationships are perfect, because they're not. But if a Hearing partner wants to socialize with their nonsigning Hearing friends, the Deaf person regardless of whether they sign or lipread is often left out. I tried to call it quits once and it was a failure because no matter what I said, I felt bad and he made me feel as though he needed me -- what was I supposed to do? And a Hearing person can choose what information to withhold or reveal to their Deaf partner. Yes, they are all deaf. But knowing my spirit of always looking for something new and willing to learn something new every day, it wasn't too far-fetched, so I thought. I started my online dating phase fresh out of a long-distance relationship with someone who was in the military, and had no plans of ever returning home he wanted to stay in Europe. She thanked me for offering and allowed me to interpret her order to the cashier. I was welcomed into the community and his family, and within a couple of weeks I was given a name-sign by his youngest sister. While a Hearing person can hear their Hearing partner answer a phone and figure out who it is and what the conversation was about from their partner's responses, a Deaf person has no possibility of knowing anything about incoming or outgoing calls -- for all we know, our partner could be arranging a tryst with their lover right in front of us! The deaf community is a very intimidating place for hearing people and can make you feel inferior very quickly if you are not up to speed on their beliefs, opinions, views or language. It turned out that while to him, that shrug meant he really had no opinion one way or another, for her, the particular way he had shrugged meant he basically couldn't give a flying rat's ass about the whole thing. After two years, our relationship was fake to me; I wasn't interested in him as someone in a relationship should be. We really DO think and perceive things differently from Hearing people in many ways. No matter how understanding and supportive the Hearing partner is, they still benefit in large and many small ways by the very fact they are Hearing people in a Hearing-dominated society. This is not to say I haven't dated Deaf women -- most of my girlfriends were [are? Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Eventually, I ended things because I just couldn't be in a relationship with someone whom I did not love or have any kind of connection with, aside from friendship. So, again, Deaf-hearing relationships are not easy. For example, I recall a woman who is an interpreter and a CODA hearing child of Deaf adults who married a Hearing man tell about a situation where she asked her husband about his opinion on something she wanted to do around the house, and he shrugged in response. For example, my oldest child is currently away without access to computing technology; my wife has been able to have telephone calls with my kid, while I have been incommunicado for the past several weeks. We messaged back and forth for a while and decided to meet up at a Chipotle, but not before I found out that he was deaf.
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