We have great instincts for this sort of thing. This has been most acutely demonstrated over the last week by the data dump from the Ashley Madison platform , which revealed that the site had millions of straight male subscribers, but very few women signed up. The early stages of a relationship are murky seas to navigate. At that stage I was ready to end the relationship and leave him to it. So far, so good — until we were both looking at something on his laptop, and a dating website came up as one of his most visited sites. Finding out your girlfriend still has an active profile on a dating site can be an uncomfortable, if not stressful discovery. If I were in your shoes, I would say something along the lines of: But since the beginning of time, men and women have had to learn to trust one another in their relationship. A problem with suspicion and snooping is: I can tell you from personal experience that this was a skill I needed to learn. However, there are times where we ourselves are paranoid… perhaps because of negative beliefs we have or prior bad experiences. Pushing down your feelings can only lead to an emotional blowup. So, maybe she kept it active for this reason; even after meeting you. Only you can decide if what you learn convinces you to keep participating in the relationship or not. Neither reflects well on him, or his self-esteem, or the way that he feels about your relationship. You have a funny feeling. These are a few common scenarios:
If you went onto her laptop to snoop around and came across an active Match. Neither reflects well on him, or his self-esteem, or the way that he feels about your relationship. It might, it might not. So far, so good — until we were both looking at something on his laptop, and a dating website came up as one of his most visited sites. You have a funny feeling. You will never, ever know what the other person is doing at all times. We have great instincts for this sort of thing. How clear was his side of the agreement to being committed? At this moment, you are reading into the situation negatively, assuming that he has bad motives or could be playing you. As such, some of the comments which I have preserved bring up points that I have since addressed in this revision. What is really a deal breaker? When both people really want a great relationship, the relationship feels effortless. Right off the top, you mentioned that you and he have agreed to be exclusive. Only you can decide if what you learn convinces you to keep participating in the relationship or not. Is she just looking to form friendships? Have a conversation Good communication is crucial. In other words, many of the guys who claimed that they never used it to meet women were probably telling the truth: So, here are a few tips for a successful conversation: Life is complicated and the heart wants what the heart wants. Finding out your girlfriend is still on a dating site can potentially be as simple as taking that first step to search online and potentially discover secret profiles. Is this guy bad news or should I just relax and be fine with the fact that he still logs on to match. However, if you and your girlfriend made a deal to be exclusive, and a situation like this happens, you should confront her about what it means to be exclusive. In my past, there have been times when even though the relationship was good, my insecurity would eat away at me. I can tell you from personal experience that this was a skill I needed to learn. The early stages of a relationship are murky seas to navigate.
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